The 20 Minute Guarantee
So I recently returned from a trip out west that included a weekend in Las Vegas. This has been a yearly tradition for Brant and I. Brant is a good friend who lives in Houston. Our first trip was a stress relief weekend during graduate school, and we've tried to make the trip once a year since.
In comparison to many who travel to Vegas, our experiences are very, very tame. I can enjoy Vegas for about 48 hours at the most. After that the griminess that lies just beneath all the neon and glitz starts to get to me. Vegas is like the proverbial whitewashed fence, all shiny and glistening on the surface, but at its core it is something different entirely.
So a weekend there is good for me. It is fun to just wander the Strip. I usually blow a little money on the slot machines (spending $10 and coming out with $40 at one casino was high rolling in my world). In addition to the regular gluttony, we have our customary steak dinner (BOA Steakhouse in Caesar's Palace was fantastic). We'll also rent a car and get out of town. This time we went hiking in the mountains northwest of the city. It is amazing that 30 miles outside of the city limits you can be some 6000 feet higher in elevation, 30 degrees cooler, and hiking in snow covered, alpine forest. Some pictures are coming soon from that, but otherwise here are a few observations about the city:
Best free entertainment: The Fountains at the Bellagio. In front of the Bellagio Casino is a eight acre lake (filled with treated wastewater, but don't think about that). Every fifteen minutes or so at night, dozens and dozens of fountains choreograph a water show to music, sometimes shooting water a hundred feet in the air. It was my favorite thing to watch my first time out there, and its still my favorite thing to see. Anything that can make a Celine Dion song bearable, or God forbid, even touching, has to be special. We caught the last show, at midnight, when they played the Star Spangled Banner.
Worst free entertainment: The Sirens of TI. First off, TI is the new hip name for Treasure Island Casino. Back in the day, when Vegas was attempting a family friendly image, this was a pretty neat show in which two pirate ships attacked each other on a lake in front of the casino. There were stunts, explosions, and one of the ships actually sank. But family friendly is so 2000, so today you have the Sirens of TI, in which a ship of unsuspecting pirates is attacked by a ship of sirens, who are basically half dressed pirate-hookers. There is some sort of plot involved, in which the pirates succumb to the seductive siren song of the pirate-hookers. Unfortunately their siren song consists of some horribly dubbed Paula Abdul outtakes circa 1995, and the dancing is sub-Spring Sing. Its not like the pirates succumb so much as they commit suicide.
Best offer that we did not take advantage of: Hookers to your room in 20 minutes, guaranteed. Last year the guarantee was 30 minutes, so there is either increased competition, or sometime in the past year a huge breakthrough was made in the field of prostitute transport logistics. It is pretty impressive. It took us on average at least 20 minutes from the time we left the Strip to navigate through the lobby, make our way through the maze of slots and other distractions, down the corridors, up the elevator, and to our room. I don't see how a prostitute could do it. All weekend long I was on the lookout for some hooker in stilettos madly sprinting through the casino to make the deadline. There must be some vast underground prostitute delivery system, perhaps using pneumatic tubes or something. Hookers arriving a full 10 minutes before your pizza. What a world.
In comparison to many who travel to Vegas, our experiences are very, very tame. I can enjoy Vegas for about 48 hours at the most. After that the griminess that lies just beneath all the neon and glitz starts to get to me. Vegas is like the proverbial whitewashed fence, all shiny and glistening on the surface, but at its core it is something different entirely.
So a weekend there is good for me. It is fun to just wander the Strip. I usually blow a little money on the slot machines (spending $10 and coming out with $40 at one casino was high rolling in my world). In addition to the regular gluttony, we have our customary steak dinner (BOA Steakhouse in Caesar's Palace was fantastic). We'll also rent a car and get out of town. This time we went hiking in the mountains northwest of the city. It is amazing that 30 miles outside of the city limits you can be some 6000 feet higher in elevation, 30 degrees cooler, and hiking in snow covered, alpine forest. Some pictures are coming soon from that, but otherwise here are a few observations about the city:
Best free entertainment: The Fountains at the Bellagio. In front of the Bellagio Casino is a eight acre lake (filled with treated wastewater, but don't think about that). Every fifteen minutes or so at night, dozens and dozens of fountains choreograph a water show to music, sometimes shooting water a hundred feet in the air. It was my favorite thing to watch my first time out there, and its still my favorite thing to see. Anything that can make a Celine Dion song bearable, or God forbid, even touching, has to be special. We caught the last show, at midnight, when they played the Star Spangled Banner.
Worst free entertainment: The Sirens of TI. First off, TI is the new hip name for Treasure Island Casino. Back in the day, when Vegas was attempting a family friendly image, this was a pretty neat show in which two pirate ships attacked each other on a lake in front of the casino. There were stunts, explosions, and one of the ships actually sank. But family friendly is so 2000, so today you have the Sirens of TI, in which a ship of unsuspecting pirates is attacked by a ship of sirens, who are basically half dressed pirate-hookers. There is some sort of plot involved, in which the pirates succumb to the seductive siren song of the pirate-hookers. Unfortunately their siren song consists of some horribly dubbed Paula Abdul outtakes circa 1995, and the dancing is sub-Spring Sing. Its not like the pirates succumb so much as they commit suicide.
Best offer that we did not take advantage of: Hookers to your room in 20 minutes, guaranteed. Last year the guarantee was 30 minutes, so there is either increased competition, or sometime in the past year a huge breakthrough was made in the field of prostitute transport logistics. It is pretty impressive. It took us on average at least 20 minutes from the time we left the Strip to navigate through the lobby, make our way through the maze of slots and other distractions, down the corridors, up the elevator, and to our room. I don't see how a prostitute could do it. All weekend long I was on the lookout for some hooker in stilettos madly sprinting through the casino to make the deadline. There must be some vast underground prostitute delivery system, perhaps using pneumatic tubes or something. Hookers arriving a full 10 minutes before your pizza. What a world.
posted by CHADDDD at 9:45 PM
8 Comments:
All I needed to read was the headline....lots (and I mean lots) of giggling followed.
LOL! i will have images of prostitutes sprinting and hurdling over benches and fountains for the rest of the day! that's hilarious!
what if they combined the prostitute and pizza deliveries?
Maybe then it would be 25 minutes. Law of averages, you know.
Maybe they could call it Dominho's.
Sorry, that's the best I could do off the top of my head.
Dominho's....wow...that's pretty bad. I was thinking more along the lines of Pizza Sluts.
I'm not sure who "weai9ch09" is, but I'm at least half sure you can't get a PhD online in less than 2 weeks. If you can, I have some friends who will very very upset at all the time they've wasted.
Don't you guys think Papa John's is a perfect name as is?
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