Sunday, February 26, 2006

Israelite Priest: Worst Job Ever

So at the beginning of the year our church decided to read through the Bible together. We all got little bookmarks with day-by-day scripture readings. I have done okay with this, though I am a bit behind. Our schedule has us switching back and forth between the Old Testament and New Testament. However, I went off script and have kept on reading straight through the OT.
No offense to the author (or especially the inspiration), but from about Exodus chapter 21 on through Leviticus and Numbers (and, it looks like, Deuteronomy) it is horribly tedious reading. Whoever wrote this (most likely Moses) desperately needed help punching up the dialouge.
However, there is still a lot of knowledge to be gleaned from these scriptures. One of these tidbits is the fact that being an Israelite priest must have been one of the worst jobs ever. Chapter upon chapter of rules and regulations. No praise teams for the Israelites. No heartwarming Ministry Moments or Birthday Sabbaths. Just lots and lots of sacrifices. And more than just sacrificing the animals, they had to be slaughtered just so, and the blood had to be sprayed on the altar just so, and the remains had to be disposed of just so. Numbers 29 describes the Feast of Tabernacles, where over the course of eight days 71 bulls, 15 rams, 105 lambs, and 8 goats were to be sacrificed, in addition to all the daily animal sacrifices. How did these people have any livestock left? On top of all the bloodletting, being a priest must have been a high stress job, since failure to follow the rules didn't result in a mark on the record or a lousy monthly evaluation. It usually resulted in some sort of death, mostly fire from the sky but there was some stoning for variety.
One of the most interesting verses is in Leviticus 22:19-20, where there is a whole list of body deformities that would prohibit one from approaching the tabernacle to offer sacrifice:

No man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed...hunchbacked or dwarfed, or
has any eye defect, or who has festering or running sores or damaged testicles.

This implies that someone was needed at a checkpoint to ensure that these regulations were enforced. I would assume that a priest with very low seniority, perhaps a summer intern priest, was assigned to check potential worshippers for running sores or damaged testicles. I can just see the priests coming to work in the morning to check the assignment list, crossing their fingers, thinking: "Please no testicle patrol, anything but testicle patrol..."
If the possibility of testicle patrol is anywhere in your job description, you are a candidate for having the worst job ever.

20 Comments:

Blogger CHADDDD said...

Actually, it isn't much worse. Fortunately, I'm not an Object Extractor (I never took the inservice), but merely provide momentary comfort to one who happens to have an anus from which an object needs extracting.

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Blogger LB said...

This post was just sacreligious enough to be awesome. Well done.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

The bulls, rams, lambs, and goats were to be sacrificed AND eaten. The fat of these animals were to be burnt on the alter for the most high. Most of the animals sacrificed were eaten by the priest. Thats how the offers was received. Being that the Levites didnt have a city of their own but a portion in every city, the sacrificial food & 10% of earnings was how the Levites thrived. Its just that simple but its not that simple. Thats why a priest with total understanding was/is needed. And its Doctors who inspect testicals everyday. Doctors are more hands on. But is that the worst job ever?

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Blogger Joy Morykon said...

doing some research for a sunday school lesson on the Good Samaritan. Wondering about the work of an Israelite Priest. Crazy that both the Priest and the Levite (also working in the temple) both passed by the man beaten.. Maybe they had had one to many sacrifices or testicle & deformity checks that week, hurrying home during traffic "i really don't feel like helping a panhandler tonight."

seriously, what a terrible job. pretty much a stressed out religious butcher...

Great post! super insightful and hilarious! So not about Pie :)

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