A Public Service Announcement
Question: What do the following four objects have in common?
a. A cap to a can of Lysol
b. A candlestick holder
c. A paper towel holder
d. A light bulb
Answer: They all do not belong up here:
I know that for the vast, vast majority of you this is a no-brainer. However, over the course of time, I've come across an increasing number of people who feel the urge to put objects in places where such objects do not belong.
I know I have a glamorous job, but, contrary to what you might think, I do not really enjoy getting called out of bed in the middle of the night to come to the hospital to help forcibly extract one of these objects from your butthole. So please, if you are planning some expedition involving one of these items or a myriad other small household appliances and/or objects that you feel might actually fit up there, let me say a couple of things to at least dissuade you, or at the very least make your hospital stay a little less awkward.
1. Everyone uses the excuse "I just fell on it in the shower." Seriously, everybody. And no. No you didn't. Nobody believes you. Most of the time it looks like you haven't showered in a long, long, long time. At the very least don't insult our intelligence. At least try to be creative with your excuse making. It might give us all a good laugh, which leads me to my next point:
2. We will make fun of you once you are asleep. If you think about it, it is pretty much inevitable. Jokes will be made at your expense. Lots of them. We will laugh and laugh. You will have a sore butt. Not a good trade-off, is it?
I thought about making a video, starring some second rate television actor like Matt LeBlanc or Shelley Long. They would give their speech, then a shooting star would flash across the screen with some uplifting music and the words: "The more you know..." However, I didn't have the budget. So bottom line people, find something better to do with you time. That hole was not made for incoming deliveries. It is outgoing only. Thanks for your time.
a. A cap to a can of Lysol
b. A candlestick holder
c. A paper towel holder
d. A light bulb
Answer: They all do not belong up here:
I know that for the vast, vast majority of you this is a no-brainer. However, over the course of time, I've come across an increasing number of people who feel the urge to put objects in places where such objects do not belong.I know I have a glamorous job, but, contrary to what you might think, I do not really enjoy getting called out of bed in the middle of the night to come to the hospital to help forcibly extract one of these objects from your butthole. So please, if you are planning some expedition involving one of these items or a myriad other small household appliances and/or objects that you feel might actually fit up there, let me say a couple of things to at least dissuade you, or at the very least make your hospital stay a little less awkward.
1. Everyone uses the excuse "I just fell on it in the shower." Seriously, everybody. And no. No you didn't. Nobody believes you. Most of the time it looks like you haven't showered in a long, long, long time. At the very least don't insult our intelligence. At least try to be creative with your excuse making. It might give us all a good laugh, which leads me to my next point:
2. We will make fun of you once you are asleep. If you think about it, it is pretty much inevitable. Jokes will be made at your expense. Lots of them. We will laugh and laugh. You will have a sore butt. Not a good trade-off, is it?
I thought about making a video, starring some second rate television actor like Matt LeBlanc or Shelley Long. They would give their speech, then a shooting star would flash across the screen with some uplifting music and the words: "The more you know..." However, I didn't have the budget. So bottom line people, find something better to do with you time. That hole was not made for incoming deliveries. It is outgoing only. Thanks for your time.
posted by CHADDDD at 5:30 PM
6 Comments:
Lots of laughter. And I mean....LOTS! Then, of course, I also want to throw up a little bit.
he he he......i read this again and giggled excessively when I got to "bottom line people"......bottom....get it? Ha! I'm quick.
I was also going to write that "once you were asleep you'd be the butt of all the jokes"...but then I didn't.
nice butt
The same kind of person that might be compelled to dig into their own head with a knife.....remember the post about Betty Jo?
ninest123 16.02
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