"You'll take good care of me, right?"

That was the question she asked me. Though there was a hint of embarrassment in her voice her eyes were dead serious. It was a question I get asked often in my profession. People were nervous before surgery. It was completely normal. At the time I was still a student, still trying to hide the nervousness myself.
"Of course I will", I replied, smiling. Compared to other patients I had had of late, this one was exceedingly healthy. She was in her mid-40's, and she had no other health problems other than the small aneurysm, or bulge, in one of her arteries. Most likely it had been picked up in a routine physical. Tomorrow a stent would be placed in the artery, diverting bloodflow away from the bulge. Routine surgery. She would be home the next day. Her husband sat by the bedside.
The next morning the surgery started out routine. Actually, it was a bit boring. In anesthesia boredom is a good thing. It means that nothing is going wrong. It means your patient is stable. I was sitting there watching the monitors. Before the operation I had put an arterial line into the patient. This type of line is hooked to a pressure transducer and allows a beat by beat reading of the blood pressure, rock solid stable: 110/65, 112/64, 109/65.
I was sitting there watching the monitors: 110/66, 108/64, 102/58, 95/50, 91/48.
I stood up and looked toward the surgeons over the surgical drape. "Everything okay over there?" I asked.
88/45, 84/41, 78/38.
The next instant one of the surgeons yells "Oh shit!", then turning to me: "Get some help in here now!"
71/34, 66/29, 60/22.
Less than 5 seconds has passed since the blood pressure started to drop. In anesthesia boredom is a good thing. The next two hours were not boring at all. The surgeon had accidentally punctured a major artery, and the patient was bleeding into her stomach, massively. Help arrived. More lines were put into the patient. Blood and fluid and medicines were given. The next two hours passed in a flash. We did a lot, all that we could, but it wasn't enough. The patient survived, but the blood pressure was too low for too long, and she suffered a massive heart attack. Instead of extubation the breathing tube was left in. Instead of going to the floor and heading home the next day she went to the intensive care unit.
I only went to see her once, late on the next day. Her husband was not there. I didn't expect her to be awake, didn't want her to be awake, but she was. She smiled around her breathing tube. She squeezed my hand as I mumbled a sort of apology, (I'm so sorry, but we tried. We really tried. It just happened so fast, and now I don't think you'll ever leave this room) not knowing at all what to say. I can't remember what I said. I only remember her smiling.
I didn't go back in there. I should have, but I was a coward. I read her chart, though, looked her up on the computer from the operating room. Followed her progress from a safe distance. She was able to get her breathing tube out two days later, but something again went wrong shortly thereafter. Her heart was too weak. It failed, and she went into shock. The next day she died.
She was the first, and so far, thank God, only patient I've had in the operating room where something has unexpectedly gone so wrong. I am not a stranger to death. Several patients have come through not expecting to live (shot, stabbed, etc.) and we kept them alive long enough to get them to the intensive care unit where they promptly met expectations. Before, working in the intensive care unit, death at times was even a blessing.
"You'll take good care of me, right?" Its been a long time since that woman asked me that question, and I've been asked that question many times since. Many times with that same embarrassment that happens when you let your guard down.
"Of course I will," I still reply, remembering that patient and her smile. Remembering how quickly the routine can become something very far from routine. "Of course I will."

"Darth _________"

So last Friday night we were at the drive-in (first time at a drive-in, by the way, loved it) watching Star Wars III. Personally, I think this is the best one in the entire series, where Anakin finally goes from being merely whiny to the supreme evil in the universe. Sure, there were some rough spots. For instance, you could create more romantic tension by rubbing together two ears of corn than Anakin and Padame created during the entire trilogy.
Anakin: "I hate sand. Its coarse. Its rough. It gets everywhere. Especially in my pants. But you're smooth. You're like anti-sand. However, I'd still like you in my pants."
Padame: "Hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo, and tell me more about sand. Its fascinating."
Anyway, we were watching the film. This was to be the fourth time I had seen it. We were to the part where Anakin hopped on over to the dark side and murdered Mace Windu. He was bowing before the Emperor, pledging his allegiance. The Emperor looked down on him and said: "From now on you shall be known as Darth" (dramatic pause) "Vader."
Since this was the second film in a double feature it was about midnight, well past bedtime. I was a bit sleepy and my mind wandered. During this dramatic pause I started wondering what other names the good Emperor could have bestowed on evil Ani, and if any of them would have had the same significance. Here's a short list:

1. Darth Sunshine
2. Darth Carl
3. Darth Nahasapeemapetilon
4. Darth Giggles
5. Darth Sandypants
6. Darth Crunk
7. Darth LaQuisha
8. Darth W. Bush
9. Darth Yippeee
10.Darth He-Whose-Acting-Sucks-Like-An-Industrial-Strength-Oreck

Darth Vader probably works best.

Randominity II

Kudos of the moment: To my friends. After complaining bitterly in my last post of our indecision at mealtime, last Sunday night a decision on a restaurant was made in record time with little to no debate. Gold stars for everyone.
CD of the moment: Fair and Square, by John Prine. John Prine is one of my favorite songwriters. This is his first CD in about 5 years, having recently survived a bout with throat cancer. He is one of the few writers that I know of that can go from funny to devastating within a single phrase. The music is simple: At its best it is just him and his acoustic guitar.
Obscure foreign film of the moment: Audition. This one has been out a few years. In the opening scene a Japanese film executive with a small child loses his wife to a long illness. Fast forward ten years and his son and friends are trying to get him back on the dating scene. He has no idea how, so he and his friend devise a fake movie audition for a leading lady, and from the participants he'll choose one to court.
For its first half or so this plays out like a gentle almost romantic comedy. Then, instantly, things go horribly horribly wrong. There are few things in movieland as rare as a good horror movie. This one is an exception. A scene toward the end involving piano wire, needles, and a girl whispering "Deeper, deeper, deeper" is one of the most grisly and disturbing scenes ever. Not for the weak-stomached. It shouldn't be too long before the crappy American remake.
Incredibly cool loft of the moment that I can't begin to afford: Wertham Loft #313. Sunday afternoon I was driving around looking at open houses. I stopped at Wertham Lofts just on a lark because I had never been in the building. #313 was open and for sale. It was absolutely amazing. Two bedrooms, two baths, all exposed brick, 15ft ceilings, huge windows with great downtown views, spacious, beautiful, crunk. $400,000. The realtor must have had some sort of income-detection equipment because he watched me suspiciously from the moment I entered. I'm guessing the white-trash meter went over into the red.

"Where do you want to go eat?"

So I'm with a group of friends. Could be my current group of friends, could be any group of friends that I've been lucky enough to be a part of over the years. People are hungry. It is getting close to mealtime.
"So," someone says, "Where do you want to go eat?"
Dead silence. Confused looks. Anxious glances. Its like someone asked if anyone could explain Bohmian Mechanics (a simple example of a hidden variable interpretation of quantum mechanics in which a system of particles is described in part by its wave function, evolving according to Schrodinger's equation. Duh.) instead of where the next meal might come from.
Throughout the week, whether driving around, or sitting in the operating room, or at any random moment I could spout off a list of a dozen restaurants around town that I'm dying to try. However, my mind, and seemingly the minds of all my friends, go blank when the pivotal question is asked. Worse still, we always seem to go to the same old places. Not that these places aren't good, but there's so much else to try.
So as a public service here is a short list of restaurants that I've been to once or twice or have wanted to go to that are more or less off the beaten path.
1. Bobbie's Dairy Dip the corner of Charlotte and 53rd. Only open in the summer months. Been there for a thousand years. Totally yumster burgers, fries, and shakes. Great outdoor eating. Bonus: Within walking distance of my house.
2. Wendell's Fine Dining across Charlotte from Bobbie's in the shadow of the freeway. A bit more random, this looks like it might have actually been fine dining about thirty years ago. Now it looks like a place where I might get stabbed if I go inside. There's something about the old architecture and the neon though that's intriguing, like something out of an Edward Hopper painting.
3. Germantown Cafe on 5th Ave N. in Germantown (really? Get out!). Upscale place with a great menu and view of downtown. Supposedly they have the best crab cakes, and I'm all about the crab cakes.
4. Brown's Diner Blair Blvd off of 21st. Ave S. Extremely downscale place with great burgers. The very definition of a greasy spoon. Drive by it and you might think the place has been abandoned for several years. Recently reopened after a fire.
5. Judge Beans BBQ Wedgewood Blvd near the Fairgrounds. They kind of overdo the Texas motif here, but the bbq is some of the best in town.
6. Prince's Hot Chicken Shack Ewing Dr. in North Nashville. Chicken fried in a huge skillet with tongue scorching spices, served with a slice of white bread. The mild is spicy enough to make things go seriously wrong in Boweltown. Don't even think about the extra-hot if you still want a colon in the morning.
7. Mirror 12th Ave S. Another upscale place I'd love to try but haven't. I believe they serve tapas, little tasting-size portions of goodness. Order a bunch and share.
8. Hog Heaven 27th Ave N. Another bbq joint, this one is more of the Tennessee variety (pork, sweeter sauce). No inside seating, but grab a sandwich and head across the street to Centennial Park.
9. PM Belmont Blvd. Great little place with a patio right on the street. Had a great burger the one time I was there, but the menu had everything from nachos to Thai wraps. Call it fusion cuisine.
10. Most anyplace along Nolensville Rd. For real dining adventure, head over to our own International Row. From Latin American to Ethiopian to countries you've never heard of, most any ethnic variety could be found there.

There's my short list. I'm sure there are others that I can't think of at this time. Feel free to add your own suggestions. That way the next time someone suggests Chili's or Ruby Tuesday's we can smack them in the head and have a proper response.