The Dark Side of Children's Literature
Way back in the days of e-mail's infancy I got a forward from one of my best friends listing the following proposed children's books, that for one reason or another, never made it past committee. It has sat in my in-box all of these years. Occasionally I'll dig it out and forward it to a few friends, but here it is for all to love and appreciate. Apologies in advance for those that cross the line. Unfortunately I can only take credit for a couple of these. Guess which ones and win a fabulous prize. Feel free to add your own titles.
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun 4-Letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy: The Girl So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go To Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Puppies Can Fly
12. That's It, You're Going Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magical World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
16. Strangers Have the Best Candy
17. Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
18. What's That Sound Beneath Your Bed?
19. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
20. Pop! Goes the Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
21. Mommy and Daddy's Little Accident
22. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
23. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
24. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
25. Let's Find Daddy's Gun!
26. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
27. Divorce? You Bet its Your Fault
28. The Big Book of Shiny Sharp Things With Which to Run
29. Yes Virginia, Clowns Are Evil
30. Nothing's Yummier Than Mommy's Pills
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun 4-Letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy: The Girl So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go To Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Puppies Can Fly
12. That's It, You're Going Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magical World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
16. Strangers Have the Best Candy
17. Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
18. What's That Sound Beneath Your Bed?
19. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
20. Pop! Goes the Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
21. Mommy and Daddy's Little Accident
22. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
23. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
24. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
25. Let's Find Daddy's Gun!
26. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
27. Divorce? You Bet its Your Fault
28. The Big Book of Shiny Sharp Things With Which to Run
29. Yes Virginia, Clowns Are Evil
30. Nothing's Yummier Than Mommy's Pills
posted by CHADDDD at 9:20 AM
14 Comments:
I think you just beat Melvin as the funniest person I know. If you actually write one of these, you can come read it to my class. And, before I guess, how many exactly are yours??
6, I think. My personal favorite is #14, but it isn't mine.
that is hysterical!
i like the one about running with shiny sharp things!
okay...here's my guess:
#30, 19, 7, 15, 16, and 29. Did I get any right??
Ooooooo...LB has 2 out 6 right (#29 and #30). Not quite fabulous-prize worthy, but close.
what about #2?
No, sorry, not #2. Can see the logic though, since I do hate vegetables. I don't think I ever mentioned what were playing for: An authentic Italian souvenir Coliseum ashtray!! Purchased next to the actual Coliseum in the eternal city: Rome! That's right: Just like the ancient Coliseum was used to persecute early Christians, use your Coliseum ashtray to pursecute your lungs! A wonderful addition to any room. Actual retail price: 1.30 Euros.
Do I get to guess again? If I do, my new guess is 29, 30, 18, 10, 22, and 21...No whammies!!
No whammies for LB, but 2 more correct guesses! #18, #21, #29, and #30! The excitement is overwhelming. Alas, this game has grown tiresome so the results will be revealed with tonight's new post.
so do i win? i think i'm especially deserving seeing as i'm the only one lame enough to put forth actual effort...
Let's all give a big round of applause to LB, who, in her own words, was the only one lame enough to actually play (although Amanda did hazard a guess). Congrats, LB. Thank you for being so crunkin lame. Here are the final results:
#18. What's That Sound Beneath Your Bed?
#21. Mommy and Daddy's Little Accident
#25. Let's Find Daddy's Gun!
#28. The Big Book of Shiny Sharp Things With Which to Run
#29. Yes Virginia, Clowns are Evil (by the way, clowns are from Satan)
#30. Nothing's Yummier Than Mommy's Pills
yeah...it's my birfday, homeslice! (just trying to add some more jargon into your never-widening ebonics vocabulary...)
clowns are, in fact evil. that book should be written as a public service to kiddos (and not just Beatrix)
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